Biggest Mistake of My Life

I feel so fucking alone. I have great friends, but I need more. I threw away something awesome that I had in my hand. I tried working and setting up things for a life with a beautiful, and amazing woman. I tried to earn the money so that we wouldn't start out in a rough spot. But, what happened? I focused to much on work and didn't listen to what she was asking for. I think it also happened because it scared me out of my mind. I have been alone most of my life (no my family is great so I'm not saying the didn't pay attention to me) and it scared me to have this person that loved me. I miss my best friend. I wish I could find a way to get her back. Who knows if that will ever happen though. I have probably made to many mistakes to even have a chance. But, if we were to ever find ourselves back together I would gladly give her the world and treat her like the beautiful blessing from God that she is. I guess I let the worldly goal destroy the true goal that I was working for. I could never say Im sorry enough Amanda. Hopefully one day I will be able to prove that to you. I want to be with her as she makes a successful her career in Therapy. I can see her being greatly successful and want to walk with her through life. I want to walk hand in hand with her in the good times and carry her or be her crutch through the bad times. Will she ever come back? God I hope she will.